Envy.

It’s such an ugly word, isn’t it? It’s a mortal sin.

If you believe in that sort of thing.

Even if you don’t, the air around that word, envy, makes you feel ashamed. It’s not right to want what other people have.

If you believe in that sort of thing.

But what about inspiration? That’s to be desired. To inspire others. To look for things that inspire you.

Inspiration, we’re told, is an invisible force that pushes us forward to some end goal we’re reaching for in the future. You can’t step a digital foot into social media these days without being overwhelmed with inspiration. #Blessed

So what’s the difference? The general mood you happen to be in that day? One day you’re inspired, the next day you hate someone because you can’t do what they’re doing?

I’m not here to re-write the dictionary, nor am I trying to argue the obvious contexts in which both words are used, but I don’t think to envy is as sinful as some may have you believe.

I believe to envy is even more powerful than to be inspired.

I Am Not Inspired

Seeing someone climb a 5.14, does not inspire me.

Footage of climbing Mt. Everest, does not inspire me.

Someone heli-dropping into the Chugach Range in Alaska, does not inspire me.

A 25 year old writer making 6-figures, does not inspire me.

Meeting the athletes, writers, or entrepreneurs accomplishing these feats, does not inspire me.

Because I have no frame of reference. Because these people are not my friends; they tend to hang out with other celebrities. I am so below and so far away from those accomplishments, that I just don’t get it.

I Am Inspired

The things that inspire me are drawn from within, from my close friends, from my environment.

When I see the physical changes in my body after working out, I’m inspired to keep working harder. When I see friends send 5.12 or their 5.11 project, I’m inspired to jump on that line and whip a few times. I’ve recently stopped using guidebooks when I climb at the crags. I will use them to get to an area that has a high density of 5.7 – 5.11 and maybe a few 5.12’s, but once I’m there, I climb the line that looks the most inspiring from the ground.

I am inspired by people that say fuck normal and do their own thing — creating a brand by speaking their mind, ignoring trends, questioning everything, and doing what works, regardless of criticism.

Driven By Envy

Despite being inspired by those things, inspiration is not what drives me.

I am driven by envy.

Scrolling through Pinterest and Instagram, looking at endless feeds of things that inspire me, do not actually get me off my ass and working towards my goals. It is a great way to gather ideas, of things to do, places to go, adventures to create, but my desire to do those things, to go to those places, and to push my limits are already in my head. I just need the specifics.

The force pushing me forward, is envy. I see a writer making a substantial living, and I want to work my ass off to have what they have. I see someone standing atop a mountain, and I don’t particularly care about the scenery, that can be found anywhere, but I do care about the work, the opportunity, the preparation they put into the journey to make that picture happen. I see someone living comfortably in a van, and think, “Hey, I want to do that too. I want that freedom. Why can they do it, and why aren’t I?”

And well, you’ve seen how I’ve harnessed the Dark Side to use it for my own good and advancement. So should you really feel ashamed for envying someone else or their achievements?