…Let’s See Where We Wake Up Tomorrow…
I went to an open mic jazz session last night on the edge of Chiang Mai’s Old City.
It was amazing. But I didn’t get to sleep until 3am.
Then I woke up at 7am.
I didn’t want to get out of bed, but I forced myself to.
I still have work to do.
…Best Laid Plans are Sometimes Just a One Night Stand…
It’s not *just* a climbing trip.
It’s an experiment.
It’s a treasure hunt. Where the treasure I’m seeking is meaning.
…The Lambs are on the Run, Searching for Meaning…
What am I supposed to be doing with my life?
Where am I supposed to be?
Who am I supposed to be?
Can I make it on my own?
Am I good enough? At anything? For anyone? For myself?
…Woe is Me , if We’re not Careful, turns into Reality…
Now it’s 7:30am and my eyes are burning because they’re still so dry.
I head out the door and walk the 50 feet to the main road, Nimmanahaeminda (according to Google Maps, but actually goes by at least 4 other variations of that depending on what you’re looking at or who you’re talking to).
I’m so tired, I can’t even decide which of the 83 coffee shops within easy walking distance I want to go to.
That will fix everything.
There’s a great little place right on that corner that serves really great Western food and subpar Thai food.
I had some of each.
And a coffee.
As someone that works entirely online, you might find this hard to believe, but I left my laptop in my apartment. I had to go back to get it.
And then I just decided to crawl into bed and go back to sleep until I had to meet friends at noon so they could help me buy some sheets for my bed.
After we did that, we went out for lunch and all exclaimed how much work we had to do. They’re expats and digital nomads, and I’m me.
Whatever I am.
I went to my usual coffee shop. It’s a huge chain, but it’s the closest place with the best internet, a huge commodity in Thailand.
I thought for sure that coffee, a nap, time with friends, and a life threatening ride on my scooter (every ride is life threatening), would surely rejuvenate my ambitions.
I watched a couple of hours of YouTube videos and eventually gave up waiting for inspiration.
There’s no point in forcing it if my forced work is shit. Which it is.
So, off to dinner. At least everyone in The States is starting to wake up now.
…Reaching Out for Someone I Can’t See…
My real friends that I talk to regularly back home have a way of motivating me.
And distracting me. But in a good way.
We started talking about life and exchanging YouTube clips.
In fact, the movie came on TV today just as I was falling asleep for my nap. And then I sent Lost Stars as one of the clips.
I’ve heard that song a million times and watched the video 200,000 times, but this time was different.
…Who Are We…
We were talking about life. And how messy and confusing and sloppy and beautiful it can be.
All at the same time.
But when I watched Lost Stars (with Lyrics) this time, it took on a different meaning.
Maybe Adam Levine or whomever wrote it is a genius and intended many meanings, but in the movie, it’s obviously written as a ballad to another person.
But I didn’t see it that way.
…Just a Boy Caught Up in Dreams and Fantasies…
For some reason, I watched it as if the other person was life.
That if I were the writer of the song, I wasn’t writing it for a girl. I was writing it to explain how complicated life can be and how we’re all just lost. Lost and trying to light up our own lives and the people that are in it.
Nobody knows what they’re doing. I sure as hell don’t.
…Take My Hand Let’s See Where We Wake Up Tomorrow…
I ran away from my life to try find meaning in a different one.
Or at least a different environment to try figure it out.
Living in the moment has been easy here.
Everything is new. EveryONE is new.
There are stories to be told, to be heard at every street corner, bar, and restaurant I visit.
But that hasn’t gotten me any closer to figuring anything out.
…Just a Speck of Dust within the Galaxy…
No matter how hard we try. No matter who we think we want to be. No matter how successful we become. Or how many times we fail.